To whom it may concern

i am so mad right now or maybe hurt not sure the only thing i am sure of is i am shaking and i want to hate him i want to sooooooooooo bad . he calls me up and for what i was almost sleeping fuck oh i know why just to hurt me . she was right you are fucking that fat looking like a man bitch . why make these people right? your sutch a .................................... i wish something came to mind my only escape is this stupid thing FUCK YOU . i wish i was never having your child.

well i am not sure where my life is going right now. every thing i thought was for sure are up in the air right now! i am not gonna stop fighting but how much can i take . stop what your doing andf love me now! but i am gonna keep going anyways till it vkills me i can't imagine my self with any one else and well 3 months down the line if i dont got him back i better have found some one that makes me feel good cause i CAN NOT live with out love in my life that might sound pathetic but its true.

afraid to love you more afraid to lose, story of my life

i thought that kennys death would get easier to deal with yeah no that is not the case any more at all, it just gets harder every day harder and harder i want him here i am sick of being alone i can NOT do it any more. i want to back in time and see him one more time tell him what i think of him how much i appriciated him and every thing he has done for me i will remember you will you remember me ?  i weep not for the memories  . i dont even know why i weep . wait yes i do i just wont say it on here,lol remember the good times we had ? i felt your warmth opon me that was amazing but kenny i dont feel you any more , i am so tierd but i cant sleep, i am so hungry but i cant eat , sceaming inside but i cant be heard, kenny what do i do?

well sat here and bullshitted all night it is nice to have accual friends not one that have to get fucked up just to feel comfortable around, tomorow  night though will be interesting and stressful alot of smokes and mirrors but we will get though it and be stronger because of it, so heres to tomorow!!!!!!!!!

well i found a new friend last night and is amber ever awsome she seems like she needs some real friends and that is what i am going to be as well as barb so amber go hard you beautiful and awsome 

kenny,
         well kenny there is alot i have to say to you i dont even know where to begin. i miss you , i miss you so much i cry at least once a day for you , i cry because i want to hold you ,because you help me so much with ANYTHING i have ever needed you told me i wasn't crazy,you are probably the omly person to belive that, and because you were always the one to do me right . i am not mad at you for not being there any more cause you are i just dont have the strenth to hear you right now, i want to feel you like i did when payshow (jay) played for you ,kenny i was so warm at that moment THANK YOU i needed that so badly. kenny i feel like trash litteraly, i am not sure what to do about it the person you told me to be there for in my dream is not talking to me. logan misses you so much he is not doing anygood at all, dakota never got it till the bikes escorted you away, kenny i cry so hard, i cant wait to see you again, i wanted you at my wedding, i wanted you to give me away, OR to marry you, i know our love was stronger then any relationship or marrige , Kenny I love you, i dont know what to do i have never been in such a dark place i have never wanted to be there where you are , i dont want uncertinty or pain any more. you were always there if i was crying and you knew it you would come to me no matter where i was what i was doing no matter what you had to pay to get there,like the 7 min bike ridefrom brodway  to confed while on the phone with me to make sure i was all right , I WANT YOU HERE. I need you . but you do what you have to and i will do my best to do what you would be happy with. i hope to dance with you again tomorow night. remember i love you and i hope to see you again with no tears on my face, bye kenny

holy shit what a fuck show i cant belive it my self but i guess everything happens for a reason hey!! well i am about to find out what that reason is soon i hope. to be happy with some other guy... yes he makes me glow!! and it is beautiful, i love having something in my life that does that , it used to be jack it was all about him tilll he decidied he did not ...cant finish now ... later

 its so funny watching these girls sitting there just hoping that he notices you ha ha showing up with the little girl i've known since before she went into puberty. and to think i thought there would  be a problem !ha i make my self laugh, and stacy staring at me from tha dance floor i thought you did not like me and you were not into girls did you not have some thing better to look at ? OH i guess not hey since jack never showed up. you make me laugh thinking i am just going to forget every thing you guys have said trying to justafie it by saying i was mad!! ha now you make me laugh.just cause every one else lets you get away with it does not mean i am as stupid.mind you remember it was not me that was writing the mean things at the begining that was jack and alena using mine so you said all that stuff, and made an enemy with me, some one that if you want to be jacks life will make it very hard! and dont try and lie every one knows you both want him! like i said FUNNY. stacy you acualy thouhgt that jack calling you while we were broken up was something special he was just trying to make me jellous it did not work and when he asked why i said i knew you were a piece off shit, he tried to defend you KINDA but then i showed him all the shit you have writtin and his tone changed really quickly! see you do it to your self so why dont you just stay with your dieing boyfriend that offers you up for the right kind of money or did you not know about that? oops 

Any ways my life is going perfect just how i want it to i have accomplished everything just how i wanted to!!

well what a few weeks i need a vacation or some thing all these people that think shit is good and its not ,not at all but let them belive it any way what they dont know wont hurt them right dumb asses

hey me and jack might be done but you know what it is all good and it is just going to get better!!


        IT'S    ALL    GOOD

i can not belive i am going to say this but emma stacy about jack you were right holy fuck.emma if what barb says is true and you just wanted jack go ahead i couln't care less just like you warned me ...BE CAREFULL
me and jack are done he can fuck him self and any one else he wants

It's strange how everybody figures that they know what their talking about, and who their talking about, when the truth of it all is they believe what they hear...


...on another note, we got a house - Jack, Alena, Bill and I are moving in together. which means no more couch surfing. I've learned allot in these 2 months though who true friends are and what is important , my family (which hasn't changed) , Jack, my friends, and the girls.